I've been seeing my fiance for 4 years now and I came in to the relationship with 2 boys. My boys are now 12 and 9. Once a year me and the boys go to my families vacation home with the entire family and up until this year, my fiance did not attend. But now that we are engaged and merging families, the family asked that he come too (they all get along great with him anyways). I explained to him prior to us coming to our family retreat that during our week stay with the family, my kids do not have a bedtime. We do a lot of night activities, such as night swimming in the pool, karaoke, fires, nightly strolls through the neighborhood, etc etc. So during this week, my kids absolutely do not have a bedtime and this is how it has always been. I made it clear that bedtime was not to be enforced like it was at home because this is vacation and time with family and I'm not making my kids miss out on the nightly activities. I also explained that due to this, some nights they are up until easily 11-midnight. It's once a year, it's no big deal. So he was fully aware and please note that this is the only time I've seen this side of him that I will mention below.
We get here the first night and you can tell he is already uncomfortable with the boys staying up past their bedtime. He was stressing out because the boys were still in the pool at 10pm and he felt they should be in bed already. I reminded him at least twice that we were not enforcing a bedtime here and he let it go the first night. The second night 9pm rolls around and the boys were still up and my fiance was dropping comments like "you're lucky you're even still awake right now, you should be in bed". Saying it right in front of my mom, who looked mortified that he had such an attitude. I told him to cut the fucking shit, in private. He tells me he thinks it's fucked up and that it's going to be terrible trying to get them back on their schedule (never been an issue in the years prior). I stood firm and told him to knock it off and let it go.
But then last night my fiance starts angry sighing every single time he looks at my kids still awake and I finally pulled him aside and told him he was a fucking embarrassment because he keeps saying these comments in front of my family, which leads to awkward silences and judgemental glances my way. I warned him prior to coming here and if he had an issue that he can't control for a week than he needs to leave because he's ruining our trip with his passive aggressive BS surrounding a bedtime. He told me I'm an AH for making him feel like garbage over wanting to keep the kids on a schedule because it's "best for them". AITA?