WIBTA: forcing a conversation where I know I’ll make my parents feel bad

So backstory, my parents bought a cottage/second house when I was 9 (I’m now 21) so that we could be closer to their family. I spent my summers there until I graduated high school. I did not really like it there, I never had any friends and my older sibling stopped spending as much time there when they were in HS. So, besides my mom I spent a lot of time there alone and lonely.

I know I was lucky and privileged but it was really hard being that alone at times. So, when I was seventeen, I probably did make a fuss about never wanting to go back but I mean we all knew I would have to return at some point.

So anyway, right after I leave my mom paints the floor of my room. They are old wood floors that are painted, and mine were but I had never let my mom repaint them for almost a decade because I didn’t hated the look of the white floor being freshly painted. I also refused to let her fill the knot holes cause I also didn’t like the way that looked and it was my room. They are now all filled in and which makes me want to scratch my brain. (For the record I do know this is a bit odd but I’m pretty sure now my aversion as to do with my anxiety disorder. Although I never framed it like that to my parents I was very vocal on the fact that I hated the freshly painted floors)

Anyway then my parents gave away my bed without asking. Only telling me a few weeks after it was done. They acted like it was no big deal but I started crying and was angry for weeks after, I thought they understood these changes were upsetting me. I also told them directly that if they wanted to change my room again to please ask before. They said they would.

I haven’t gotten back because Covid and university but my parents have and my mom redid their bedroom. She sends me a video and like literally half of her “new” furniture is just mine repainted. She has taken the chair and the bedside table. They also stripped everything on the walls off and I assume shoved it in my sibling’s room but I literally do not know what has been kept and what has just disappeared.

IEvery time I think about it I get hot all over and want to cry. I think it might because my parents have not touched my siblings stuff. Their room might be a bit of storage room but nothing has been painted or taken from them without their permission. I just makes me feel uncared for which I know it’s true but I can’t stop feeling and thinking that they just didn’t respect me enough to care about my stuff and the way I liked my space.

So would I be the asshole for trying to talk to my parents about this or should I just let it be? As I might be needlessly bringing something up that could hurt my parents.

I have expressed my upset before so it’s not like they don’t know this upset me but every time I have talked about this everyone acts like I’m being petty or overreacting? (I’ve also never really expressed how it made me feel other then upset)

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AITA for calling my bf immature?

I (23F) have been with my bf (25M) for a couple years now. We are from the same city, but we started our relationship doing long distance because I was studying elsewhere. I recently got back to our hometown, where I now work full time (the job is exhausting, but it’s a great opportunity) and in the little spare time I have I study to finish my masters degree; he’s finishing his masters degree too, but he doesn’t work – he has a lot of other things to do, he plays in two bands, volunteers. He doesn’t have plans for his future - which is fine to me, it’s his business.

We never really had problems while doing long distance, we were comfortable that way beacuse we are both busy people who love having their independence and tell each other about the day. This might sound odd, but we were great.

Now that I have come back here, I am facing a major life change (I started working, I basically don’t have free time anymore) and we are not adjusting. He knows I’m only available on the weekends now, but we never see each other because he is busy doing stuff he could easily ask his friends to move to different days or where his presence is not even really required (he just isn’t capable of saying no, and he ends up doing a ton of stuff he SAYS he doesn’t even like). He also constantly forgets most of his things to do and I have to remind him (bc he asks me, like I’m his secretary) what time he plays with the band, when the train for HIS trip with his friends is leaving, etc. We see each other in the two-hour slots between a thing and the other and I always have to adjust to his schedule. I politely told him I would like him to save some time for me, to arrange real dates (nothing big: the movies would be more than fine) from time to time, but he told me that by doing so I would look like another “thing to do” to him, and that would stress him: he thinks that using all his spare time for me is a major demonstration of love – even if it means just a few hours per week, sitting on a bench.

Yesterday (it was the millionth time we were having this argument) I snapped and told him I’m tired of being the last among his priorities, that I would like to be taken on proper dates sometimes because we are grownups and my idea of a relationship is not taking the bus home with you after your millionth side-quest of the week and that being told “if you want to do something nice arrange it and I’m coming” makes me feel like I’m his mother, and not his gf; that I too have things to do, and I’m actually working my ass of instead of engaging in random projects bc i cant say no. He said I don’t appreciate his efforts, and I told him that dates at the bus stop (which he thinks are just fine) make me feel like I’m dating a teenager. He’s been mortally offended and he’s has not talked to me since yesterday. My friends say I have been an asshole and I should apologize, but I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong this time. AITA?

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AITA for not letting my father into my life

I'm the oldest of three, i have a brother 2 years younger and a sister who is six years younger than me who has a physical disability and has struggled mentally because of it.

My mom, too, is disabled due to her medical condition.

My father has never been present emotionally. His way of showing love, was getting us presents when we got an A on a test, if it was a B or something, it wasn't good enough.

When he promised us we'd go somewhere, he always forgot about it and used his usual gaslighting of "i didn't say that".

Now to the main part.

In 2018, i attended nursing school at age 17. In May, my mom was admitted to the hospital. A doctor saw all her bruises (not from abuse) and had a nagging feeling. He tested her for what he thought it might be. Turns out he was right. She had a really rare blood disease that would have killed her in less than two more weeks.

She stayed in the hospital for 4 months, almost dying for most of the time.

I was 17 at the time, attended school, which meant i left home at 6am and came back at 4pm, when i came home every day, I did all the chores, cooking, cleaning, gardening, looking after my sisters homework etc.

My father? He was at his girlfriend's place. My parents were still married at that time.

When I confronted him later about him leaving us, me, alone when we most needed him, his answer was: "I couldn't take it anymore, I needed some time for myself"

After some time, my mom came home but needed assistance with everything, so I became her caretaker, doing everything I could. I quit school and stopped going anywhere to look after her.

When she got better, I went out with a friend of mine. We were driving to her place.

We had a bad car crash in which the car flipped a few times and landed on the roof of the car.

I was luckily unharmed and decided to call my father to come pick me up.

When I called him and told him: "I'm ok, but we had a car crash and flipped through the air, I'm not hurt, but letting you know" he answered, verbatim "can you take the train home"

I was flabbergasted.

My last straw snapped last summer, when my sister was hospitalised after an operation due to her disability. She was in so much pain, and the meds didn't do anything, because she's taken them for he whole life and developed a resistance. The nurses and doctors were ignoring her and so she called me hysterical, begging for me to help her.

I called our father, asking him to call her station and talking with the other doctors, as they tend to listen to fellow colleagues.

Well, he didn't. My sister called me back, even more hysterical, telling my that he said to her she should wait until the meds kicked in - which would be impossible because - resistance.

This happed once more two or three months ago, and I was really disappointed in him, so I cut contact.

My great uncle, my father uncle, called me, telling me i should forgive him, because he is my father and I have to respect him.

But tell me, am I the Asshole?

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AITA for not taking my friend to my singing class?

Edit: I did never promise her to take her with me, I told her "we'll see tomorrow" and decided to drive off when it became clear that she would be late.

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My (29, F) friend (32, F) and her parents were visiting me for some days and staying at my house. We're both hobby musiscians, she's a singer-songwriter and I love to sing classical music. A friend who is a professional singer helped me to get a spot in the signing class of a rather renowned teacher and I pay quite a lot per 45min lesson.

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On the second days of my friends visit, I had my singing lesson in the morning, so I told them that I would be away for about 1,5 hours while they would be having breakfast. My friends mom suggested that my friend could join my singing lesson. My friend was very enthusiastic about it because lately she had been really inspired by classical music in her work. She wanted to get some advice by my teacher because she can't afford lessons regularly. I was hesitant at first, and my friend immediately started to take out her tablet and show me all the things she would like to get advice on. I told her that she could come and listen and ask questions about her work in the last couple of minutes of my lesson. But I could already see that her amount of questions would take up much more space.

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I really like my friend, I've known her for years, but she can sometimes be very pushy and has problems stepping back when it's not her moment. It happened in the past that she was supposed to sing one song or speak for 5 minutes, but turned the situation in an hour long entertainment. So I was sure she would take more than a couple of minutes of my lesson. But since I pay a lot and I go there to work on very specific goals, I would love to get the maximum out of my lessons.

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On the day I had my lesson, my friend as planning to just get up, have a coffee, brush her teeth and the come with me. When it was 15mins before we were supposed to leave and she hadn't gotten up yet, I decided to just drive off and let her know via text that I had to leave early.

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She and her parents both called me TA for not being enthusiastic about taking her with me and driving off early. When I explained my reasons to them, they got even more upset, calling me TA for being so fixated on my own goals and on the cost of the lesson.

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AITA for wanting to have my singing lesson for myself?

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AITA for inviting my nephew and niece to stay with me at a nice hotel and treating them to fancy dinners, but not their older sister?

I (35M) recently went back to my hometown for a two-week stay. Mostly for work reasons but I also wanted to surprise my nephews and nieces cause I haven't been back in a few years.

My parents came from lower class backgrounds and worked hard to provide. I took advantage, finished school, moved abroad, and am now blessed to be in a position where money is not an issue. I'm single with no kids by choice, and make more than enough to live comfortably. I live modestly, though I have a large budget when it comes to travel, food, and socializing.

Meanwhile my siblings are notoriously bad with money. My sister in particular always prioritizes wants over needs. She's always broke, no matter how much she earns. Her kids, suffered as a result, sometimes missing meals or have no running water at home cause my sister spent it all on I don't know what.

Being the cool uncle I am, I like to spoil my niblings when I visit. They're like the kids I don't have. We'd go to restaurants, theme parks, and other fun stuff they normally can't afford to do.

I’m cool with this. Quality food, nice hotels, and entertainment are all things I take for granted now, but it’s the equivalent of a celebrity lifestyle to my niblings. It thrills me to let them experience it, and hopefully gives them the motivation to dream big.

A day before my trip, I learned my nephew Dan (18M) had fought with his mom. Dan’s a good kid, but my sister is toxic and verbally abusive. Anyway he left home and was staying with my uncle who lives in a tiny flat and whose bed is a thin mattress on the floor.

It didn’t feel right that I had this suite at a posh hotel while my nephew was sleeping on the floor. I messaged him when I landed, and suggested he come stay with me. He could take the bedroom and I'd happily take the sofa bed.

Then my niece, his twin Samantha (18F), messaged him asking where he was. I told Dan he could tell Sam he was with me (surprise!), and that she could even come over so we could have dinner together.

At dinner, Sam updated me on her life. She’s a full-time student with a job, paying for her own way through uni. But she’s mentally near breaking point and my sister is no help. Sam would often skip meals just so she had money to commute to work and school. At home, my sister is often yelling and screaming at someone, so it’s difficult to focus on school work or relax on a rare day off.

Sam's school happens to be nearby, so I said she could also stay at the suite. It's quiet and she could even use the business lounge to study in peace. She and Dan would share the King bed.

I scrapped my surprise idea and told my sister her kids were with me so she wouldn't worry.

**Now here's where I might be an AH.**

My oldest adult niece is Bea (22F). She lives with her husband (currently away for work) and their 4yo son. When she found out that Dan and Sam were staying in a suite in a nice hotel, with a buffet breakfast every morning, and dinner at classy restaurants, she got jealous and started saying things like "I see who uncle's favourite people are" and "nobody likes me since I had my baby."

I said she could come and share the king bed if Sam and Dan were willing (they were). But I honestly didn't want to cause Bea would bring her kid and I'm not keen on sharing my space with a toddler. Also I use the suite to work when the lounge is full or closed. I'd book them a separate room if she really wanted, but the hotel's packed. Anyway, I'd be expected to compensate for transportation, food, and entertainment for her and her kid. This isn't gonna hurt me financially but I don't want to set a precedent where I'm expected to pay for the entire family tree during visits.

Bea left the family group chat and unfriended me after she saw pics Sam shared on Facebook. I've tried to be understanding, but it feels ridiculously petty.

I never intended anyone to feel left out. I just wanted to help, but now there's conflict brewing between Bea and the twins. I don't know if I did the right thing, or if I'm an AH who could've handled this situation better.

Edit: typos and edited sentences for clarity

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AITA for not inviting my grandmother to my wedding ceremony?

I(27f) and my fiancé(26m) are getting married next year. We are having our ceremony 3 weeks before the reception so we can have a very small private ceremony with only immediate family and the bridal party, then a big celebration with friends and extended family without having to cram it into one day.

Last week we visited my family and my grandparents were there(81f/89m). She had not seen my ring in person yet and once she did she began sobbing. I’m talking about wailing, screaming, tears and snot running down her face, and she needed to sit down because she was shaking and couldn’t breathe. This went on for 4 minutes and my entire family was uncomfortable.

Once she had collected herself the day continued. We ate, watched tv, and talked. My mom asked if I needed any help with invitations, to which my grandma asked if we had set a date. I told her yes, (date 1) and the reception was (date 2). She asked about the ceremony and I gently told her that she was invited to the reception but the ceremony was going to be much smaller and she would not be attending that part. She immediately burst into tears again and started accusing me of hating her and “ruining” MY wedding for HER.

I explained that if we had invited her, we would have to invite ALL of the grandparents, 6 on my side, 5 on my fiancés. She had the audacity to say “none of them need to be invited, but I should be there.” I told her that was unfair, that it was my decision, and they would be at the reception but my grandmother was not having it. She was screaming and crying again, and threw her phone across the room. I snapped and told her that this outburst only solidified the decision to NOT have her at the ceremony because if she acted out like this or broke down like when she saw my ring, it would make the whole day a nightmare. She lashed out back at me saying she might be dead before she could go to the reception so she should be at the wedding. Everyone got quiet. I reminded her that the dates were less than a month apart, and she continued screaming and crying for 10 more minutes before she settled down and we left.

My fiancé and I stuck to our decision that we would be more than happy to have them at the reception, but the ceremony was private and had already made our final headcount of the guests there. My grandmother and mom think I’m the AH, but the rest of my family agreed that it’s OUR day and we can do things how we see fit.

So reddit, AITA for not having my grandmother at my wedding ceremony?

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AITA for telling my brother he's wrong to hold a grudge over our parents kicking him out eight years ago?

My (20F) brother (26M) got kicked out by our parents at 18 because he dropped out of high school and refused to work. Our parents gave him three days after his birthday to leave, and told him not to contact them for money or to ask them to change their minds. He didn't contact us for four years, which is when he had my niece, and told our parents they'd never get to meet her.

He kept his word, and to this day our parents have never met their granddaughter. He had contact with me though, he'd pick me up to visit sometimes, but that stopped when I was 18 and still said I supported what my parents did. He's married now, and he does welding or something along those lines, So I think getting kicked out was the best thing that could've happened to him.

To this say he has never said a word to our parents, and has told my niece that they're dead. He refuses to attend any family gathering if they're there, and never brings his family. He makes post online about how parents who kick their kids out at 18 are terrible, and how he'll never do the same.

I had enough of him disrespecting the people who took care of him, so I went over there to "visit" and lost it at him. I said he deserved to get kicked out for being a lazy freeloading brat, and his daughter wouldn't exist if he hadn't been. I accused him of hating our parents for being right more than he loves his daughter. He told me to get out and not come back, and said that I'm just like our parents.

I don't think I was wrong, but my BF said that I'm rubbing salt in the wound, and making things worse for no reason.

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