My (38F) daughter, Melody is 10 years old. She goes to an after school program which is where she met, Leah (also 10). I know Leah’s mom, Daniella, somewhat well as we had older kids in class together a few years back.
Melody has told me several times that Leah is too loud, doesn’t understand personal space, asks rude questions, etc. I’ve told her they don’t have to be friends, but to still be polite. Daniella later confided in me that Leah is on the spectrum, which I already suspected.
Recently, the kids had a day off. Daniella called and asked if Melody wanted to go to the aquarium with her and Leah. I said sure. When I hung up and told Melody, she got upset and said she didn’t want to go. I said I already told Daniella she’d go and it’d be fun. I pointed out that Leah doesn’t have a ton of friends and maybe if more people took the time to know her, they’d realize she’s nice. Melody grumbled but finally agreed.
About a half hour after they left, I get a call from my SIL. Turns out she had taken her son to the aquarium and was leaving as Melody, Leah and Daniella walked in. Melody instantly said she wanted to leave with her aunt. My SIL didn’t want to just take her. I was super embarrassed, feeling bad for Leah. I asked to speak to Melody, telling SIL to take her aside and out of earshot. I told Melody she was being extremely rude. I asked her how poor Leah felt after she went with her and instantly wanted to leave. Melody kept saying she didn’t want to be there and started whining. I finally told SIL to bring her home. As rude as I found this, I realized it’d be even worse for Daniella and Leah to deal with my grumpy, whiny child.
SIL dropped Melody off. I told my daughter she was very rude and it wouldn’t have killed her to spend one afternoon doing something nice for someone. Melody said she doesn’t want to be Leah’s friend and went to her room. I called Daniella to apologize. She was gracious, but did admit Leah cried and they ended up leaving early because she wasn’t having fun. She assured me that she hadn’t paid yet for my daughter before this incident so at least no money was wasted. I did venmo her money for their passes as I felt bad they were unable to enjoy it due to Melody.
When my husband found out, te flipped out on me. Telling me I violated our child’s autonomy and that it’s my fault all this happened. I felt this was an extreme overreaction. Especially when he basically coddled Melody and took her to dinner just them.
I feel a valuable lesson was missed yesterday. AITA?11