So my coworker (26f) lost her adoptive dad six years ago and live with her adoptive mom. Let’s call my coworker Pam (not her real name) Pam has been working with me for a few months now and it’s really clear that she doesn’t know how to think on her own. Her mom still packs her lunch and she drives her to work when it rains. Now Pam does not have any sort of disability or delays. She is very much able to do everything on her own but has been coddled her whole life. Now her mother has gotten a job offer in another country. Pam has mad it clear she doesn’t want to move and will be staying here if one of her older siblings adopt her.
She had 3 older siblings (45,42,37). Pam is the youngest and was adopted from another country at the age of 3.
I told her that it’s so sweet that she will be living with a sibling, but I asked her what she meant by adopting her since she is 26 and the legal age is 21. She says that she needs to be adopted to stay because who’s going to take care of her since her mom is leaving. I asked her to explain… this woman doesn’t pay any bills. She has no idea how to cook for herself or live on her own. I asked her if there’s a reason why she can’t live on her own. She told me that it was too hard and it’s better if someone just takes responsibility for her. I told her that the only way they can “adopt her” is if she releases her rights to her siblings and the court would have to determine if she is incapable to be on her own. She told me “that’s fine I don’t want to be responsible to be on my own.” I asked why she has a job then, and she basically told me she works to fund her shopping lifestyle. She has the latest phone, gets the newest purses, always comes to work with a $7 coffee, and has really nice clothes. I asked why she doesn’t just budget her money better so she can live on her own. She looked at me like I was crazy… I flat out told her that her siblings would not be smart for adopting her because there’s no reason to be adopted. This made her mad and she reported me to HR. I now have to write an apology memo and submit it to her by Tuesday. Now I’m thinking I should have stayed out of it, but this girl has no idea how the world works. Am I the Asshole