My cousin, who's in her first year of college, just dropped that she's pregnant. She wants to parent. All of us are desperately trying to talk her out of it and to explore her...other options. She is willing to hear us out but hasn't changed her mind. In an effort to show her the reality of her situation, all the moms in our family are making kind of a motherhood storybook so she can see all the challenges and struggles that would come with parenthood.
My sister Laura thinks we should leave her alone, but she's heard about the book and wants to be included, to which the response was hell no. Nobody wants Laura to talk because, quite frankly, her experience is...a fantasy land.
She got pregnant at 19 by her 20 year old boyfriend. They were both broke, but he had a trust fund from his parents that couldn't be accessed until he was 25. His grandparents, who were his functional parents, were furious, but decided to take the view that since they only had about 5 years of capacity left and needed him to be the guardian of their special needs daughter within the next two years, their options were to either withhold money to the bitter end but ultimately be funding them, in a much worse situation with built up resentment, or fund them now and make it the best situation possible while still being able to guide things.
They chose the former. They made them stay in college and get married, but they got insane funding. A free condo, paid for college for both, nannies, cars, even groceries and baby supplies. They were in contact and vocal to the point that even 10 year old me was aware of how disgusted they were by this, but they didn't feel there was a real choice.
All this to say that honestly, in her situation, having my niece was the best option she had. She sent from being crushed by loans to being 26 before she ever saw even an electric bill, not that she had to worry about how to pay it. She's never had to pay rent, or have a real budget for groceries. Yes, she's now the guardian to their special needs daughter as well, but she is higher functioning (10-12 yo mental age), and she's in daycare from 9-5 and works mornings on Saturdays, so it's not some extreme burden.
We don't want her telling this because it will give our cousin unrealistic views of what's going to happen. She's offended by this because she should be able to talk about what she experienced, good and bad. We think she should be grateful and understand that her 1% experience is just that.