(The Players: Stella is my sister, Robert is Stella’s husband, & Jordan is my son. My friend mentioned later in the story is named Annabelle)
Stella & Robert have the kind of marriage where Stella raises their children & Robert takes care of everything financially & their relationship has always been built on that agreement.
Me & Stella were always close growing up & we still are now. But starting around last year, Stella has become very critical of me being unmarried & working full-time.
Jordan has several positive fatherly figures in his life, such as his grandfather, uncles, & scoutmaster. Stella has made snide comments implying that Jordan’s fatherly figures do not count because we don’t live in the same house as them.
Stella has very heavily implied that me working full time means that I care more about my job than Jordan. She has made backhanded comments implying that a mother does not truly love her children unless she stays home.
Recently, Stella made a comment that she expected Jordan to become a criminal when he grows up because he has “no father figures” & a mother who “would rather work than do what’s best for him.”
In the past, I have done my best to shut down Stella’s comments by remaining firm without being outwardly angry. But for the first time, I raised my voice at Stella & told her to not take out the fact that she regrets marrying for money on me or my son.
It has been two weeks since I snapped at Stella. She has ignored my calls and texts, so I have decided to just give her space. I spoke to Annabelle about the situation, and she told me that I was also in the wrong with my words.
Annabelle pointed out that Stella likely does regret agreeing to have the kind of marriage that she and Robert have, rather than one based on romantic connection. So seeing me confident and happy without a partner, especially since she is the older sister, makes her feel insecure.
Annabelle agreed that Stella’s comments about me and Jordan are not okay. But that I should try to extend empathy toward Stella and be more understanding of her emotions. Annabelle told me that I should be the one to apologize first & to not pressure Stella for an apology until she says she’s ready.
I agree with Annabelle that my words were harsh, but I still feel Stella needed to hear them. Stella’s emotions are not an excuse for her comments & I believe she should be the one to apologize first. But is Annabelle right that I should show more empathy to my sister by giving her an apology first and not pressuring Stella for one back?