My grandma (Granny, 93F) is living in a nursing home. As her memory and physical ability started to decline, the family moved her into a home where she is now doing surprisingly well. Granny probably has dementia but we have not bothered to get a formal diagnosis as it wouldn't change anything in how we care for her.
Granny still uses a walker, but she has been slowly getting weaker over the last several months. She used to get up independently, but one night she fell off the toilet and was on the floor for a short time, thankfully with no injury. As she forgets to use the call bell, she has a bed alarm for safety. She also always has someone walk beside her due to the fall risk, and if she goes to the bathroom, a staff member will wait right outside the door for her to finish. This is because Granny will always **ACCEPT** help, but she will never **ASK** for it. This is important for later.
Myself (38M) and my brothers (40M, 42M) enjoy taking her to her favorite Italian restaurant. When we park in a handicapped space and assist her with walking, she manages nicely.
The last time I took her, she needed to use the bathroom after the meal. Being aware of her fall risk, I went to the woman's washroom. I opened the door a crack, asked loudly "is anyone in here?" and when there was no reply, took my grandma in. After assisting her to the toilet, I closed the stall door and stood right outside.
During this time a middle-aged woman walked in and was visibly taken aback by my presence. I apologized, saying my grandmother was using the bathroom, and that we would be done quickly, and to please feel free to use the facilities. She walked out without a word.
A minute or so later I took Granny out of the bathroom, walker and all. The woman was waiting outside for us, and as we left, she went in, muttering loud enough that I should have taken her to the men's washroom if I was there with her. I said nothing, not wanting to cause any conflict, and took Granny back to the home.
Afterwards this did get me thinking. I have my grandma's well being first and foremost in my mind, but I certainly don't want to make anyone else uncomfortable by going into a woman's washroom. My wife and one brother thought I did the right thing, but other family members though I was the AH and looked like a creep. I replied that as a woman, Granny has the right to use a woman's washroom, and as someone who was her caretaker at that moment, I go where she goes for her own safety.
Am I the AH for taking a disabled/handicapped woman to a woman's washroom when I am a man?
(For reference, the restaurant does not have a family or mixed washroom, or I'd absolutely take her there.)