So I (26F) left a decade long abusive relationship at the beginning of 2022. Long story short, it was bad. I was happy when I signed my lease last march because it would be the first time I would have a home for me. When my friend (20F) found herself on the street last June, it was decided it would be a good idea she came to live with me since I hade an extra room. Keep in mind that while I offered when she told me, her parents had decided without talking to me. She is nice and sweet and very mature for her age, so I didn't see any problem. Also, it was always intended to be for a year max.
I did'nt think about the fact that it would be her first time living alone, so I acted as if she knew what being roommates was. At first, everything was fine. But a couple mouths in and me saying little things about her in the apartment was considered "mothering", so I stopped.
I ask her to keep the toilet close for her cats because there's bleach in there, but I often find it unflushed. I ask that when she's not in a room, she closes the lights because it brings up the electricity but she keeps turning on every light expect my room. I do not mind the time she spends in the bathroom, however I do ask that very hot showers requires the window and the door being ajar because it creates mold but she doesn't.
She puts anything anywhere in the fridge. Same with the freezer. She hangs her clothes to dry everywhere around the place when we have an inside clothesline in the bathroom. She picks the groceries invoice and chooses what she half pays, as if I'm keeping food from her.
Those are little things but I already talked to her about it repeatedly and it gets on my nerve.
Here's where I may be the asshole. Her brother died in a car accident a couple weeks ago. Despite everything I said, I still care for her. I went to the funeral, cooked, cleaned the apartment, I'm there for her when she needs it. But she just won't talk to me. She gets aggressive and salty when talking exclusively to me. She sleeps everywhere all the time. And I pick up after her.
Last night was the last straw. I came back home past midnight after doing overtime and I tripped and fell on the floor. She had left 5 big bags on the ground in front of the door, all lights on, toilet unflushed, cat vomit on my cream colored living room carpet, the trash bags were on the floor(kitchen and bathroom). I found her sleeping on her bed. I found food in one of the bags on the floor. I cleaned everything and put everything away but I was angry. I was even more pissed off when she woke up hours after me and acted as if nothing happened.
I feel like if you know you fall asleep easily, do everything you need to do and relax after. I'm scared of getting angry while talking to her because I've been keeping everything inside.
WIBTA if I stopped picking up after my roommate and just hand her a list of everything she does wrong or should I wait a couple more months until she leaves?