I(27f) and my fiancé(26m) are getting married next year. We are having our ceremony 3 weeks before the reception so we can have a very small private ceremony with only immediate family and the bridal party, then a big celebration with friends and extended family without having to cram it into one day.
Last week we visited my family and my grandparents were there(81f/89m). She had not seen my ring in person yet and once she did she began sobbing. I’m talking about wailing, screaming, tears and snot running down her face, and she needed to sit down because she was shaking and couldn’t breathe. This went on for 4 minutes and my entire family was uncomfortable.
Once she had collected herself the day continued. We ate, watched tv, and talked. My mom asked if I needed any help with invitations, to which my grandma asked if we had set a date. I told her yes, (date 1) and the reception was (date 2). She asked about the ceremony and I gently told her that she was invited to the reception but the ceremony was going to be much smaller and she would not be attending that part. She immediately burst into tears again and started accusing me of hating her and “ruining” MY wedding for HER.
I explained that if we had invited her, we would have to invite ALL of the grandparents, 6 on my side, 5 on my fiancés. She had the audacity to say “none of them need to be invited, but I should be there.” I told her that was unfair, that it was my decision, and they would be at the reception but my grandmother was not having it. She was screaming and crying again, and threw her phone across the room. I snapped and told her that this outburst only solidified the decision to NOT have her at the ceremony because if she acted out like this or broke down like when she saw my ring, it would make the whole day a nightmare. She lashed out back at me saying she might be dead before she could go to the reception so she should be at the wedding. Everyone got quiet. I reminded her that the dates were less than a month apart, and she continued screaming and crying for 10 more minutes before she settled down and we left.
My fiancé and I stuck to our decision that we would be more than happy to have them at the reception, but the ceremony was private and had already made our final headcount of the guests there. My grandmother and mom think I’m the AH, but the rest of my family agreed that it’s OUR day and we can do things how we see fit.
So reddit, AITA for not having my grandmother at my wedding ceremony?