My (45M) stepdaughter (18F, Sara) is in her first year of college now. I have a less demanding job that my wife (38F), in which I work mostly from home, so I do the majority of the chores around the house including the laundry. When Sara came for a visit at our home after three weeks in campus, she brought with her a lot of laundry for me to do. She says she can't find anyone at her school who gets her stuff as clean and spotless as I do, so she just keeps changing to new clothes constantly while she is at college and that builds up a lot of laundry between her visits.
I totally belive that, young people don't really know how to do this kind of things properly. The issue was that when I was doing the laundry later that day, I realised that there were some male socks and underwear there mixed up with the rest of the laundry. She had told me in advance that there was stuff from her female friends mixed up in there but the male elements were surprising. I don't necessarily have an specific problem with doing male laundry as opposed to female but I still felt I should ask Sara about it in case this was some sort of mistake.
I assumed that there were from a boyfriend or some kind of romantic relationship that she has started in college and about which I knew nothing about. I asked her directly, but in a friendly and caring tone, if those things were from a boyfriend and then she suddenly became very mad in a hysterical way. She said thet her private life was none of my business. My wife also says I was out of line and that I was ruining her daughter's visit by being so controlling. I am sorry for what I did but I still think that my reaction was logical to sole extent and that it was not so terrible.
Am I the Asshole?