My (35M) husband, Mark (34M) and I have an 18 month old daughter, Nova. I used to work a job that often had me on overnight shifts. Mark was left with the night duty for a good chunk of time. I’d be home during the day while he worked and tended to her then. It was a good system.
Then I transferred to a new job and began working normal hours. Mark and I trade off on bedtime. It’s then I realized what a complicated routine Nova has for bed.
It started with being read 5 books, say goodnight to every stuffed animal then going for a 30 minute car ride. Following that, she had to be rocked in a stroller in the garage. Oh, and on top of that, her blanket had to be warmed in the dryer. Then transferred to crib. One step out of place and Nova would flip.
I spoke to Mark about simplifying the routine and he said no. I tried to argue to keep books but have her fall asleep in her crib. He wouldn’t budge and said as I wasn’t around for bedtime much that first year, I don’t get to change the system now.
I’ve tried it for awhile but it’s exhausting. Eventually during a week when Mark had to pull overtime and was gone at bedtime, little by little, I began dropping things from the routine. First, I’d only read 3 books. Dropped the car ride from 30 minutes to 15 to 10 and finally, it was gone. Stopped warming the blanket. I’d put her in her crib and let her fuss it out if the blankets weren’t just so. She never cried for more than 5 minutes and by night 4, she went right to sleep.
I kept Mark in the loop but he insisted it wouldn’t work. The overtime stopped and he was back splitting bedtime with me. He came to me crying the first night as Nova didn’t want a car ride nor would she settle in the stroller. She went right to sleep in her crib. He says I stole this from him and I forced our daughter to “grow up too fast”.
AITA?