This happened about a year ago and is still a point of argument with my now ex-wife.
My wife (40F) and I (39M) have 2 kids (17F and 12M), we both work full-time. My wife took a new job in 2015 that was a position with more stress and not much pay increase, but provided a lot of potential for career growth. The job required her to consistently stay late, work nights, and work on weekends. I knew this was important to her, so stepped up with doing more housework, took over most of the childcare responsibilities. Over five years, this got increasingly worse. I took over pretty much all of the housework and kid responsibilities, which impacted both my health and my own job.
When the pandemic happened, things go so much worse. We were both working from home, and the kids were at home, but she still didn't pull her weight. She would go into her home office at 9am and wouldn't come out until 5 or 6 pm. I had to juggle work and the home school work in addition to the other work I was doing. I found a new job with much better pay, literally covering 85% of our combined salaries, and she said she wanted to quit her job and find something that allowed her more time to spend with the kids and help around the house.
About the same time I took the new job, she got a promotion, and decided not to leave. She promised to help out more around the house, but after a year I was still doing the same amount of work at home, she wasn't helping, and she justified this by saying the kids were older and back at school so there was just less work to do. This led to a series of big fights and me asking for a weekend to reconnect with friends and have a break. We agreed on a weekend, I organized my friends, and paid for the trip (mostly non-refundable stuff).
Two weeks before the trip, she gets invited to an on-site event for work that conflicted with my trip. She said it was technically optional, but felt it was important for her career so she already bought plane tickets on her company card. I told her that I was absolutely not cancelling my trip for an optional work event and if she wanted to go she should make arrangements for somebody to take care of the kids. She complained but I stood my ground. Over the two weeks, I asked several times if she arranged for somebody to take care of the kids and it just led to more fights. On the day I was leaving for my trip, I packed my suitcase and told her I was leaving for the airport. I told her I talked to my mom and the kids could stay their if she hadn't created plans, then I left.
I got a bunch of angry texts for "dropping this on her at the last minute" and calling me "a neglectful father". I told her that my trip had been planned for months and was literally planned because she was being a workaholic.
I don't feel like I'm the AH here because my trip was planned well in advance and I made backup plans with my mom to handle the kids (my daughter was old enough to drive to my mom's place 2 hours away). AITA?