I (34F) have a friend Emily (33F). We have been friends for 20 years and met in high school. There was a time from ages 18-26 we didn't talk much and became more like acquaintances, because Emily got married and moved to a nearby town with her first husband.
Emily doesn't have the best taste in men. After Husband 1 cheated and she left him, she went straight on to Husband 2, who of course left when their daughter was 1. Since then she has dated 4 or 5 guys, and is now with Pete (34M). Her daughter is now 4, so you get an idea of the timeline.
Emily has a habit of gushing praise about whoever she is seeing, while keeping quiet about or minimising their flaws. It can be incredibly frustrating as her friend, because of course I want her to be happy, but at the same time I only find out after the fact that this guy who last month was so perfect and they were going to have a whole life together was abusive, homeless, broke, etc.
Pete and Emily have known each other since first grade. They were friends all the way through school and hooked up a few times casually since. But now they're actually together exclusively and giving it a shot. She she will stay at his house 3 nights a week (when her daughter is at her dad's), they go out on dates and spend Christmas with his parents and brother. They celebrated Valentine's Day together and even his birthday. They even went on a short 3 day holiday with his family. Sounds great, but here's the catch. They have been "together" since last September (so about 6 months now) and Pete has refused to be Emily's "boyfriend". He says (apparently) he wants to be completely over his ex before he commits to Emily, and that he has never broken up with someone so once they are dating that's it, it's forever. To me, that's ridiculous. We're in our 30s and they are doing everything that constitutes dating except the label of boyfriend and girlfriend.
The AITA question is this. Emily told me last week that they are going to buy a house together and are trying for a baby, because she wants more children. I respectfully said that, as a friend, I don't think that's the best idea considering he isn't her boyfriend (yet). She said she heard me but she was going to do it anyway. She also asked for my help in writing letters to the owners of the homes, as I am a publisher author and have a master's degree, so it's a skill of mine. Of course, I said yes, and helped her with the letters.
I was telling a friend who doesn't know Emily well about this, and she said I was being an AH by telling Emily I disapproved and then turning around and helping her anyway. The way I see it, Emily is an adult and can make her own choices, and I as a friend can only do so much to sway her from her decisions, even if I disagree.
Am I the AH? Should I have refused to help her because I don't approve of Pete and think she deserves better?