My (35F) boyfriend (38M) and I have been together for a long time, about 7 years. I moved into his house after a year dating. He works a M-F, 9-5 job, I take contract work and my days/hours vary week to week. I'm an introvert, but I work with lots of people and basically always have to be "on" at work, so I absolutely require time to myself to recharge.
Early on living together, I liked to plan one of my days off on a weekday so I could have the house to myself. But frequently, he’d choose to work from home or take a sick day on that day, and I would get frustrated when he didn't leave for work that day. When I expressed this frustration, he'd get annoyed/angry. I told him that I just need time to myself occasionally, it honestly has nothing to do with him, and he responded "How could it not have anything to do with me, you just told me you don't want to be around me. Plus this is my house, I will be here when I want to be." I adapted and got used to living with less alone time for myself.
Things changed during the pandemic, He now works from home every day. He gave up some of his hobbies as well, and it feels like he never leaves the house anymore. I still work contract work out of the house, but I know that I will have virtually no time that is truly to myself when I'm home. I do all the grocery shopping and lots of other errands as a means to be alone with myself, between the drive and the shopping time. Sometimes I just sit in my car in the parking lot, or in the garage, for like an hour in total silence when I drive somewhere. Sometimes he wonders what has taken me so long, and I tell him that I just took my time with the errand.
But I still need space because I feel drained all the time now, and when I mention that it would be nice to have time alone, he dismisses me and says, "Where would I even go right now?"
Now I frequently wear earbuds around the house (sometimes not even playing anything) to cancel out some noise. If I'm in a room alone, and he enters without an obvious plan to interact with me, I’ll get up and move to a different room where I can continue to be by myself. Ex: if I'm sitting on the couch in the living room, and he enters the kitchen right next to me and plays a podcast on the echo and starts making food, I don't ask him to turn off the podcast or leave, I just silently get up and move to the office. Or if he comes into the office, maybe I’ll go down to the basement and sit on the laundry table. I don’t ask him to leave the space or to stop making noise, I simply remove myself to continue my alone time.
Sometimes, he thinks I'm being passive aggressive or mad at him and gets frustrated with me. As far as I'm concerned, I have expressed my need to have space, and if he can’t understand, that's on him. I see it as a compromise to have my alone time and meet his needs as well.
So AITA for creating my alone time by whatever means necessary?