For the past year my boyfriend (20) has gone through financial troubles and had asked me if I (20) can let him borrow money. At first I was hesitant because I’ve always heard it is never a good idea to let your partner borrow money as it can potentially cause issues. I admitted to my boyfriend why I felt that it wasn’t a good idea and he became angry saying that as his girlfriend of 4 years I should help him out if I really loved him. I felt bad so I ended up letting him borrow $1,000 on two separate occasions so in total $2,000. He promised to give me the money back in payments of 100 every paycheck he received and so far paid me back $1,000, but it’s been a while since I received money from the remaining money he owes me.
I know he is struggling a lot with money and it has got to the point where we don’t go out. Most of the time we stay at my house and I pay for takeout 100% of the time. We’re also in college and he struggles with doing his homework and I help him out and end up doing most of his essays. I feel guilty for feeling this way, but I can’t help but feel like I’m being used. I let him borrow money which he hasn't paid me back in full yet, I help him out with homework, and he lets me pay for food and does not offer to pay at least his food. When I mentioned how I felt he makes me feel guilty for bringing it up because of his money struggles and gets defensive when I ask for my money back.
He has also admitted that he feels insecure and bad that he can’t afford to take me out all the time like how he used to and that he can’t buy me expensive gifts, which I do not expect that from him due to his struggles and still love him.
I mentioned to him that the least he can do is show some respect and appreciation for what I do for him by at least paying me back 20 dollars each paycheck he gets or to save up some money to take me out to eat at least once a month or to buy me a $5 single flower or show up to my house with a $2 smoothie from McDonalds every once in a while. Anything cheap to at least show that he is appreciative of how I’ve helped him out and to take away my insecurity that maybe I’m being used. I just want the little things and I’ll be grateful for it.
Now it became a problem that I mentioned that I wanted these things because it has made him even more insecure. I do not understand, I am not demanding him to take me out to an expensive restaurant or to buy me expensive things and he is now calling me a gold digger and insulting my character. We have been through a lot together and this is making me want to end the relationship but at the same time I feel confused if maybe I’m in the wrong and putting too much pressure on him.