A couple months ago, I found out my husband of 10 years has a 5 year old daughter, that he has been an active part of raising. No infidelity occurred, but he kept this hidden from me and it is still a huge betrayal.
He also kept this hidden from his parents. I have always had a great relationship with my in laws. Over the last 14 years they have truly become my family. My own parents passed away when I was a teenager, and they have taken me in as their adopted daughter. My husband's step dad even walked me down the aisle at our wedding. My husband never told his parents about his child because he didn't want me to find out.
When I found out about everything I asked if they even knew and my husband assured me they did not, he also begged me not to tell them. I told him I would not, but told him that he would have to do so himself.
He did not. This past Friday the stress and anger all caught up to me. I'm not proud of it, but I got waaaaay too drunk and I called his mom and told her everything.
Now my husband's entire family is pissed at him. His mom is devastated (she loves babies and toddlers. She always wanted more herself or to one day have grandkids. She feels she missed out) When he went over to try and talk to her yesterday, his step dad came out and told my husband he wasn't welcome on his property.
My husband has some mental health and neurodivergence issues. My actions this weekend have caused some pretty bad anxiety spirals and he had to go to the inpatient psych clinic last night.
My husband is really pissed off at me for telling them myself and the way that I did. He said that it was an asshole move.
Now that I am sitting alone in the house I am starting to think that he might be right about that. Am I the asshole for telling my husband's mom about his secret baby?
EDIT - I wasn't going to go into this, because it really is relevant to the situation that I am asking if I am the asshole over. But to ease all the inquiring minds:
6 years ago my husband was approached by a old friend and her wife asking him to be a sperm donor. My husband and I talked about it and I told him I was not comfortable with it and he said he wouldn't go through with it. Supposedly the friend "pressured him" (this is from his mouth so I don't know if it is true, I am just relaying it as he told me) and he did it.
Friend's wife unexpectedly and sadly passed away. Husband started co-parenting with his friend around this time. (Friend has also lied to me and said they found a different donor)
EDIT 2 - My husband IS and active parent to this child now. She calls him "Daddy". We are missing atleast $25,000 from our family's finances that has gone towards this kid's care. He even lied to me that we was going to a friend's bachelor party but instead went to DISNEY with his child and her mother. This is not just a case of him being a sperm donor.
And yes. My marriage is OVER due to this. I am absolutely 100% divorcing and have consulted an attorney. Unfortunately my BIL is terminally ill and I am helping to financially support my sister and nibblings while they are dealing with all that, so the divorce has a pin until 2024 at the earliest.
I'm probably the AH here for the way I spilled the beans, but I am not going to beat myself up about it at all. I'm going to get some me time while my husband is in inpatient care. :)