Me (40F) and my husband Tom (43M) have been married for a good 18 years, ever since my daughter (4F) has been born our relationship seems to have gotten worse.
Until 2019 (when my daughter was born) me and Tom had a great relationship as we watched our children Max and Sam (16M and 13M) grow up. Tom was the perfect father and I couldn't ask for more.
I love my two sons but I've always wanted a daughter, and so for the past years we've been trying for a child (in hopes we'd get a daughter) and unfortunately had a few miscarriages - these were some of the worst times of my life and Tom didn't even seem fazed.
Luckily in 2019 our prayers were heard and we welcomed our daughter Lucy to the world. Now ever since Lucy was born Tom has been very quiet? Until she was a year old he didn't interact with her very much and was more focused on our boys.
Now I thought that this would go with time but it seems not.
An example would be, Lucy's first word, "dada", Tom wasn't even happy or excited at our daughter's first word, and I literally have recordings over how he reacted to our son's first words . There is a big difference.
As Lucy has grown up, Tom has been very distant with her while displaying big shows of affection to our sons. Lucy makes drawings of him and he simply tells her that "it's okay" and ignores her while engaging in long conversations with our sons.
Last night after I came home my eldest informed me that Tom had told Lucy to "fuck off" when she asked him to lift her up and when she began crying at his sudden outburst sent her to bed early (5pm).
In bed I told Tom enough was enough and that I was done with how he was treating his daughter, and that if he didn't fix his act up by tomorrow I'd have him divorced, at this he began getting angry and asked me if I had gone crazy and if I was actually going to end a marriage of 18 years over a child.
This morning, I received a call from my MIL telling me I should take things easy and it wasn't Tom's fault that he felt no strong connection to Lucy and that I should just give him another chance.
So AITA?
EDIT: Tom was **not** forced into having a child, we both agreed.