**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRA54_32 in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warnings: >!sexual assault/violence, homophobia!
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**I (18m) hooked up with my "straight" housemate (23m) and now he's bullying me and I don't know what to do** - Feb 25, 2023
I'm 18m and I'm a university student in the UK. I live in student accommodation and 8 of us share a flat, 5 girls and 3 boys. I get along with everyone usually. Im gay which everyone knows. It's never been an issue at uni before now.
One of my housemates "Pete" is 23m (we're in the same year at uni but he didn't start right away after school). We always got along okay but he's not someone I'd normally be friends with. He's a stereotypical rugby lad from a rich family basically. He's always seemed very straight and he can be a bit homophobic but he says it's a joke.
A few weekends ago, I went out with most of my housemates but I didn't get into the club we were going to because the doorman thought I was too drunk. I don't actually think I was that bad and I wasn't blackout or anything but I decided to just go home. Pete said he'd go with me which I found strange because he's not normally considerate. When we got back we stayed up for a bit and he ended up kissing me and wanting to have sex which was totally out of the blue as I thought he was straight. It was definitely him that started it and he was coming on quite strong but I did fully consent to it to be clear. I wish I hadn't though because it was a bad experience. I'm not very experienced and I don't usually hook up (id rather be in a relationship). I'm also not really attracted to him. I just liked him as a friend. The sex was really bad, he was too rough and ar one point it hurt so much I seriously felt like passing out. He didn't hurt me on purpose, he just didn't know what he was doing and he didn't listen when I told him. It was still bad though and I regretted it. Right after he said not to tell anyone which was fine with me.
I thought we'd pretend it didn't happen but since then he's been really mean to me. He's rude and makes horrible jokes about me and then says he's just messing around. He always did this but it's 10 times worse now. He also keeps doing really hurtful "pranks". For example we each have a post tray and he keeps filling mine with leaflets about s/h and s**cide and STI clinics and things like that so it looks like i ordered them. I was cooking a frozen meal in the oven and went back to my room and he took it out of the oven and put it back in right at the end of the cooking time so when I took it out it was still fully frozen and needed around another 40 minutes (I know that doesn't sound like a big deal but I'm type 1 diabetic and meal times are important, i didn't have anything else to eat and I felt very ill). He sent a video to another housemate of him messing around with my toothbrush and putting it down the back of his jeans like he was rubbing it on his ass. I don't know if he actually did it and the other housemate told me but it's still gross. There's other stuff too. He also tried to kiss me again one other time when he was drunk but I told him to f**k off and I locked myself in my room and he didn't mention it again. It might sound dramatic but I don't feel safe in the flat anymore and I dread seeing him because he's always so rude to me.
I tried asking him why hes doing this but he said I was imagining it and I was pathetic and I needed to get over it. I think he's worried I have feelings for him but I really don't. I actually wasn't attracted to him even before all this happened and I'm definitely not now. Other people are starting to notice what he's doing and asking me why and I don't know what to say. I know he doesn't want me to tell anyone and I don't want to either. I actually feel quite ashamed that it happened. I don't know if he's being horrible because he's worried ill tell but I really won't.
I don't know what to do? Maybe he'll ease off if i give it time but I don't know. I'm quite miserable in the flat now but I don't have anywhere else to go. I don't get along with my family and I don't have much money. I don't really want to move out because I was actually happy here before this. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone because they might find out what happened. I tried talking to Pete directly but it didn't work. What do I do?
Tl, dr: I slept with my "straight" housemate and now he's bullying me and I don't know what to do.
**I (18m) hooked up with my "straight" housemate (23m) and now he's bullying me and I don't know what to do** - Mar 1, 2023
Update: At first I didn't want to move out but I got a lot of helpful advice and I realised that I'm miserable and I don't feel safe where I am now so I would probably be happier if I did move somewhere new. I have been emailing the accommodation managers and it looks like it should be possible. I didn't tell them exactly what happened but luckily someone else might want to move. I booked an appointment with the uni wellbeing service to talk things over but that won't be for a while yet. I think it could be helpful because I haven't been doing great since all this happened.
I ended up talking to "Pete" even though I planned to avoid him. A little while after I made my first post, I got a message from one of my housemates asking what was going on with Pete and asking it something happened between us. I didn't know how to reply to that so I ended up sending him the message they sent and I said "I promise I have no intention of telling anyone what happened but people are noticing you're acting differently with me. You might not care how you're affecting me but I'm guessing you'd rather avoid these type of questions so I'm asking you to please just leave me alone".
He didn't reply but later in the evening he was knocking on my door wanting to talk. I told him I didn't want to but he wouldn't leave me alone and I gave in. He said he knew he was being a d**k but he was confused by what happened because it was the first time he ever did that with a guy and he was insecure about it. He didn't apologise. I said that I was confused by it too and it was the first time I ever did that with anyone and I didn't react the way he did so I didn't think it was an excuse. He got pissed off and he said I just didn't get it. Then he tried to kiss me again and he was quite angry and aggressive. I kicked him out of my room and told him very clearly that I just want him to leave me alone. I told him I will be polite but I don't want to be friends or anything like that and I'm trying to move out as soon as possible.
Now I'm back to being shut in my room until I'm able to move. I didn't tell anyone exactly what happened but my other housemates know I'm trying to move and that he's being an asshole. He hasn't done anything or said anything to me since our conversation so I really hope he just leaves me alone now.
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**Reminder - I am not the original poster.**