**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRAcreepyparty in r/relationship_advice.
Fun Fact for Mobile Spoilers: The word party comes from the Latin words partire/partiri (to share, part, distribute, divide) or pars (a part, piece, share). Using the word party for a person or group involved in a legal matter appears in the English language as early as the 1300s. References to concepts like a political party appear in the early 14th century. In the early 1700s, the English language starts to use the word party to describe a gathering of people.
Estimated Reading Time: \~7 minutes
trigger warnings: >!gross foods, degradation!<
mood spoilers: >!unsettling!<
[**My (28F) husband (28M) took me to a creepy party his friend (28M) hosted and now I feel uncomfortable around his friends.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pnd24k/my_28f_husband_28m_took_me_to_a_creepy_party_his/) \- 13 September 2021
My husband has this group of friends who he is very close to. They all grew up together and still see each other regularly. They’ve always been nothing but nice to me for the entire 3 years I’ve known them and before this had never made me feel uncomfortable in any way.
On Saturday, it was his friend’s birthday, so he invited us to his party. At the party there was a table full of gross things like you would see on a survival show and these men were paying some girls to eat them, and they were filming it and laughing at them. My husband intentionally kept me away from that side of the party but at one point I needed to use the restroom and I couldn’t find him after, so I ended up there.
When I was there this random guy came up to me and tried to get me to eat one of the nasty things. He was pretty aggressive about it. One of my husband’s friends saw me and he told the guy “not her” and then he asked me where my husband was and made a joke about how he shouldn’t have let me out of his sight. He then stuck to me like glue until we found my husband again at which point he whispered something to him and then left.
I feel so repulsed and creeped out by the whole thing. I literally had a nightmare about the party. It doesn't help that I spoke to one of the girls and she said she had no idea this was going to happen before she got there.
The dilemma I have is that we see them often. We’re supposed to see them in 2 weeks, but I feel so uncomfortable just at the thought of having to be around them, especially the host. Honestly, I see them all differently now and it’s even made me see my husband slightly differently, even though he never participated. I feel like I’m doing a horrible job at explaining it but the whole thing was extremely creepy to me.
I don’t know how to tell my husband this. Those friends are like family to him, and I feel like refusing to go will cause tension between us and make him feel like I’m forcing him to choose between me and his friends. Any advice on what to do?
TL;DR – Husband’s friend hosted a creepy party where men were filming and laughing at girls eating the gross things they paid them to eat. It’s made me see his friends differently and now I feel uncomfortable around them.
[OP shares what the gross survival show things were:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pnd24k/comment/hcoil4d/)
*There was a lot but things I noticed were live insects, eyeballs, bulls testicle smoothies and pigs uterus. I know there are probably places or cultures that eat this and I'm not trying to insult anyone by saying it is gross, but the things stunk really badly and I feel like they intentionally made the stuff look as disgusting as possible. I didn't eat any of it, so maybe it tasted better than it looked but I doubt it based on the smell.*
[OP writes how she knew what the gross foods were:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pnd24k/comment/hcp6pb1/)
*They had labels with prices.*
[OP describes the relationship statuses of the friend group:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pnd24k/comment/hcok4tu/)
*The host has a fiancée. 3 of them are married, the rest all have partners except for 2 who are single.*
[OP responds to the question "Were the friends who have spouses and fiancee's participating at this party?":](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pnd24k/comment/hcomz11/)
*Not the married ones since they were the ones I spent most of my time with. The host probably did but I never saw him do anything. I saw two of his friends there who were definitely watching and participating. One was single, one is in a relationship.*
*Honestly the more I read the comments and think about it, the more sick I feel. I wish he never took me I don’t understand why he would even want to go.*
[**UPDATE – My (28F) husband (29M) took me to a creepy party his friend (28M) hosted and now I feel uncomfortable around his friends.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/s71kms/update_my_28f_husband_29m_took_me_to_a_creepy/) \- 18 January 2022 (text via [Rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/s71kms/update__my_28f_husband_29m_took_me_to_a_creepy/))
I posted a few months ago about the creepy party my husband’s friend hosted.
I was supposed to see them 2 weeks after my original post but I got out of it. My anxiety was sky high and it made me physically sick so I had a legitimate reason for skipping the event.
It took me a long time before I actually gathered the courage to say anything to my husband about what happened that day, even though he had been asking me multiple times before if I was okay. When I first told him he was super understanding and promised nothing like that would ever happen again. While he was upset when I told him I didn’t want to be around his friends, he told me he understood and wouldn’t force me. Also, he already knew what happened with the guy who approached me (his friend told him), all he would say was that he had handled it and it wouldn't happen again.
He continued hanging out with his friends separately and eventually they asked him why I was never there anymore and he told them. They did reach out to apologise/justify the party but I never responded to any of them.
Things were starting to get better until recently. My in-laws hosted a birthday dinner for my husband. I asked my husband if his friends would be there and he told me it was just going to be family. When we got there, his friends were all there.
I ended up leaving the dinner without telling anyone because I couldn’t handle being around them when they were all trying to act like nothing had happened. I did text my husband when I was in the Uber but he was pissed at me when he got home for leaving the way I did.
We had a big fight and I ended up locking him out of our bedroom because he wouldn’t drop it. He’s still angry at me over what happened but I’m pissed at him too.
During the fight he said I needed to get over what happened and that his friends wouldn't hurt me. He kept telling me I had nothing to be worried about because he was right there and he wouldn't let anything happen to me. I got really angry at him and asked him if I had nothing to worry about like I had nothing to worry about at the party because I was married to him. I asked him would he still say that if we weren't married or if I would've been fair game then. He implied I had misunderstood what was happening at the party, that I had worked myself up over nothing and that I was being ridiculous.
That’s pretty much the update. I just wanted to thank everyone for all of the advice and comments in my original posts. It really helped me realise I wasn’t crazy for feeling the way I was feeling and I kept coming back and reading the comments when I felt like I was being irrational.
TL;DR – Husband was initially very understanding and I didn’t have to be around his friend. He tricked me into going to his birthday dinner when he knew they would be there and is now angry at me for secretly leaving.
[OP questioned her husband's attitude towards the creepy parties:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/s71kms/comment/ht7wj88/)
***Redditor #1:*** *What bothers me is that her husband's reassurance that she "has nothing to worry about" implies that he's okay with giving the other girls something to worry about. So gross*
***Redditor #2:*** *That's whats got me too. Like "it's only awful and disrespectful if it's my wife, but I have no problem watching and laughing at other women being degraded".*
***Redditor #3:*** *This. The real issue is this shouldn’t BE entertainment for anyone. If I were OP I’d make husband answer what makes her so different from the women at that party? And will he ever just decide she isn’t worth respect and decide it’s her turn to eat fear factor bullshit? Will he ever decide he can make her do whatever he wants if he is the breadwinner?*
***OP:*** *I tried to make him answer your first question, he told me I was changing the subject.*
[OP gets advice on clearing the air with her husband's family:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s70fzn/comment/ht8ms79/)
***Redditor:*** *If I were you, I'd text the parents and explain why you were uncomfortable in full, creepy detail. Make them think twice about their son's friends and judgement.*
***OP:*** *The thing is I don’t know if they’ll side with me… his friends are the sons of their friends so part of me is worried that this is just normal for all of them and I’ll look crazy trying to make this an issue.*
**OP asked** [**AITA for leaving my husband’s birthday dinner because I didn’t want to be around his friends without saying goodbye?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s70fzn/aita_for_leaving_my_husbands_birthday_dinner/) **shortly before the update. It shares no different information from the post above.**
[Top Comment Rating: NTA](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s70fzn/comment/ht6vr76/)
*I read your other post. OP, I don’t think you owe those friends anything. At the creepy party, you were treated like a victim. Until his friends knew who you were (wife, instead of paid party girl), they were targeting you and wanting you to eat the weird things & film you.*
*Those friends saw “woman” and immediately categorized you as “girl here for our amusement”. They didn’t see any women at that party as people. In your description of the party, you talk about how the women there were paid to eat the gross things, how they were filmed & mocked. I wonder if you would feel different if EVERYONE at the party was being filmed eating the stuff—but it was just women being targeted.*
*In college, I went to some frat parties & saw frat members do gross shit—drink a gallon of milk & then immediately barf it up, drink alcohol until they passed out & pissed their pants. I went to a private college with some rich kids, and there were more than a few early-2000s camcorders catching it all. It bothered me. It made me wonder if I should hang out with those guys, because I worried that at some point, they’d want me to be the target of the humiliation.*
*I would be willing to bet that’s what’s happening to you—you watched this group humiliate these women. You now realize your husband is at the very least “cool with it,” since he knows about it. You also had them start to target you until 1 guy said something like “not that one.”*
*I don’t think you owe his friend group anything. I hope you can figure out a way to deal with this. I hope your husband can grow a pair and honor the vows he made to you.*
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.**
AnimexPlay