I (26F) am a widow of three years. My late husband (died at 22M) and I were HS sweethearts. After we graduated, we went our separate ways. I dated a lot, but every time I'd tell my mum about the date, she'd say she still liked my LH. A couple of years later we reunited, started dating, and, after a lot of urging from my mum, were engaged after only 5 weeks, then married two months later. I later felt she was way too involved in our relationship and pushed for us to quickly get married. I don't regret marrying him. However, I wish she had stayed out and trusted our timeline.
Her involvement leaked into our marriage and, because it was a hard marriage, I leaned too much on her and sought her advice to extreme extent. Instead of our marriage being between him and I, I felt like she was thrown into it. I wish I had been strong enough to do things differently and trusted in each other to figure things out. After two hard years I wouldn’t trade for anything, he passed suddenly.
Last year I was in my first relationship since my husband’s passing and my mum brought it up that she has always had this gift of seeing people who will later marry. She saw it with a few friends of mine and my LH and I, all predictions turned out right. She said she saw it with my then boyfriend (currently 25M) and started gathering wedding decor to get a head start. Three months in, he broke up with me. It was pretty mutual in feeling we weren’t right for each other.
My mum insisted that he would find his way back to me and we would be together. I told her I didn't want him back and that it wouldn't work out. For a long while she wouldn't let it go. It's been 6 months and I've been going on dates again. I recently went out with one of my guy friends (I asked him out) and I was trying to tell her about how great the date was. She listened and then brought up how my brother (19M) had his friend (30M) from our church over for dinner. My mum gushed about this guy who I only knew of in passing and how I needed to meet him. Then my mum said, "You know, LH was close friends with your brother, and everyone liked him, just like this guy from church." That really bothered me having her compare this guy I barely knew to the love of my life.
I did eventually meet him at a church activity, we have a few things in common and he seems like a decent guy, and he asked me out. She's brought him up at the most random times. I once mentioned I was going to see my cousin and her new baby, and she asked if I was taking him with me?! She then asked when we were going on our date. It's really making me not want to go because of the pressure. Also, my initial gut is saying he's not what I'm looking for. I also want the date over and done with so my mum can get off my back and drop the idea I should be with this guy she's vetted. Once the date is over, WIBTA for blatantly telling my mum to stay out of my love life?