My (29F) cousin (27F) got engaged to her fiancé (30M) a few months ago. This was surprising as one day she was single and then suddenly the next day my aunt and uncle called to inform us about her engagement. It is an arranged match, so I put the shock aside and was very happy for her.
After the engagement ceremony, a lot of people we trust and admire came to warn us of the fiancé’s past. My parents were informed by their friends and peers, and initially I chalked it up to general gossip and nosiness.
However—and this has now happened on four separate occasions—women my age came to me to confess things they thought I should know about said fiancé. These things include eye-witness accounts of his infidelities towards his ex (whom he was with for almost a decade—they broke up a month before their wedding), reports of hard drug abuse, police reports for violence, inappropriate drunk behavior towards women (he is rumored to have asked for favors from models he employed in the past), controlling behavior towards his ex, his mother’s controlling behavior, harassing DMs to women on social media, severe alcoholism (2pm drunk calls), the list goes on.
Contrarily, some family friends who admitted he had made mistakes in the past also assured us he had become a changed man after his younger brother was diagnosed with cancer. It seemed as though my cousin had no idea about these rumors and I was reluctant to burst her bubble, especially because I hadn’t personally witnessed any such behavior I’d been hearing about.
Recently however, I had another good friend who came up to me to inform me about an incident that happened just a couple of weeks ago. Apparently the fiancé had met his ex at a wedding that my cousin was also invited to as his fiancée and attended. He’d drank and made inappropriate remarks to his ex who is currently happily married. Then, just last week, my cousin was boasting to me about how ‘possessive’ her fiancé is. She was happily recounting an incident where he wouldn’t let her wear a dress she wanted to because it was too revealing. This alarmed me.
I’m now torn between preserving my relationship with my cousin whom I love dearly and fearing for her future, and telling her about all of this because I am afraid her fiancé will DARVO and separate us. My parents and siblings are advising me to keep silent about it because realistically she has made her bed and now seems pretty comfortable on it.
So, WIBTA if I told my cousin what I have heard about her fiancé?