My niece (biologically related to my husband) came to me a few days ago and asked if she could talk to me about my name. I was named after my mom's mom. I have two brothers who were also named after deceased relatives so my niece figured speaking to me was the best way to proceed. She told me she wanted to name her son (she's expecting) after her dad who died when she was 6 years old. But she said her mom was very against the idea and discouraged her from doing it for multiple reasons. The reason that not just her mom brought up was having your own name and feeling pressure to be like the person you were named after. The other reason was because she has a stepdad and he has raised her since she was 4 years old (my SIL and niece's dad were divorced when he died and my SIL was remarried) and it would be hurtful for him to have the baby honor her late dad when she'd never get to honor him. Her dad was Matteo and her stepdad is Matthew. SIL suggested she use Matthew if she had to do an honor name since it would honor both a little more and show her stepdad she values him and considers him a true grandparent to her son.
She told me she didn't want to name her son Matteo to try and make him into her dad or to have him as a replacement. She just wanted to honor him and give him a name that meant something to her. So she wanted to speak to me about it since I have lived 33 years named after a deceased family member.
I told her I never hated my name or felt the weight of my dead grandma on me and I was never treated as not my own person, never felt I didn't have my own name, and I told her I believed she and her boyfriend would raise their son the same way, so I encouraged her to name her son Matteo if she wants to. We talked some more and I told her my brother's didn't hate being named after relatives either and that I knew someone else (friend of mine) who was named after her mom's best friend who died and she never hated it either.
I ended the talk with encouraging her to follow her heart on the matter. My niece thanked me and chose to name her son Matteo.
SIL was venting about it to my husband and I yesterday and she talked about how nobody likes being named after a dead relative. I told her not everyone dislikes/hates it. Some love it. She said that was exactly what her daughter said and told me I had no right to get involved. I told her niece came to me and I was honest with her from my own personal experience. She told me I still interfered where I was not needed.
AITA?