My spouse and I have been together for about a decade. We have generally had a decent relationship, but recently it feels like they're unwilling to be accountable for their feelings/actions/behavior.
We ended up in an argument over the weekend. They were raising their voice and snapping at me pretty much any time I said anything or asked a question. They insist that they have zero control over the volume or tone of their voice (they have no underlying medical or psychological conditions which would indicate this) and that because they didn't mean it that way that I have no right to be upset. They aren't willing to work on being more mindful of the way they speak to me because they refuse to accept that they have any control over it.
I, on the other hand, am upset that they expect me to accept being snapped at and having their voice raised at me whenever they feel like it. I don't feel like it's fair for them to take zero responsibility for their behavior and for me to have to try to manage what their intentions may or may not have been.
To be clear, I don't expect an overnight change in behavior, but the fact that they are completely unwilling to make an effort is really upsetting.