If there’s any questions please ask because I’ll probably leave out some info because of the character limit but I just have to ask an unbiased source. Apologies in advance.
I (19) have lost now 6 people who either I loved deeply or were just engrained in my life in someway
The most notable one that’s most important for this context is my egg donor Jackie.
Jackie was a horrible person, and an even worse mother if you can even call her that. I’m the only one that both knows and acknowledges how bad she was because I was the only one she could abuse. In short, when I was in her custody away from 99% of all the family I’ve known, she made my life hell, but her being a classic narcissistic parent, I believed it was out of love and I still loved her cause what else could I do?
Then when I was 14 she died pretty suddenly, she died of heart failure. I remember seeing her under the sheet, I remember all of the conflicting emotions I had at that time because now I was completely alone while my dad dropped everything he could to move me back to the U.S. I remember seeing her in her casket and being promised that I would only have to stay for an hour only to be kept there from 7 am to I can’t even remember when.
Then when my dad brought me back with him I attended another funeral here with Jackie’s side of the family. To this day I’m still haunted by everything.
Now onto my Aunt. Jackie’s older sister. She was the other major maternal figure in my life especially after my grandma died.
Well, she had the same heart issue that Jackie and their mom had. To keep it short she needed to have another procedure to keep her healthy.
After the surgery she couldn’t keep any food or liquid down, she was in the ICU for like a month. I saw her after she got out and while she was coherent she was so tired and thin, but things had been looking up, they had high hopes. Then she caught pneumonia and was back in the ICU that night.
Two days later I’m told I should go see her cause it’s not looking good. By the time I got there she was in the death rattle, she was basically already gone and everyone knew it.
I know this is a lot but I wanted to try and share my perspective, her funeral is on the 25th, and while I want to go to honor her and support my cousins, I also feel pressured to go. On the other hand, don’t know if I’ll be able to handle another memorial with all this weighing on my brain.
Please give it to me straight, and sorry if this doesn’t make any sense, thanks in advance.
WIBTA?