My (31F) fiance (29M) and I are due to be married next year.
The topic came up a few months ago about me taking on his surname once we are wed. I was ok with it, and told him so, but said I'm happy to talk about other options too.
His mother and I have the same first name, and he said he wasn't super thrilled by the idea of his mother and his wife having the exact same full name, which we would if I took his surname.
We also both work for the same place, and currently i have the same name as someone else in the company and we constantly get sent emails, post and meeting requests meant for the other person. Changing my surname to my future MIL's wouldn't solve that problem. It's not a huge issue, but it's one to add to the pile.
Ideally, I don't want to keep my maiden name because I want to have the same surname as my fiance once we are married.
We settled on the solution of us BOTH changing our surname, and picking something new.
My parents were totally behind the idea. I would be losing their surname anyway, so they don't have an opinion on what I change it to.
I also really liked the idea. We don't get to pick our names usually, so this was something exciting.
But my partner's mother was really upset by it, and feels like he is trying to distance himself from the family. This is not the case at all. We see them regularly and have a great relationship with them. We offered to pick a new surname that still had a deep connection to their family, but this was also rejected.
I'm a bit annoyed by the reaction. They have no issue with the fact that **I** will have to change my surname, because that's the done thing in our culture. The woman takes the man's surname. But if my parents are fine with me no longer having their surname, is it such a big deal that my partner doesn't have theirs?
My partner and I settled on a surname that has deep meaning to both of us, and still has connections to his family lineage. It's a normal sounding name.
But we haven't broached the topic with his parents again yet, and I'm worried that we are picking a fight here when I could make a compromise by just keeping my maiden name. No one *wants* that, but it's the only solution I see that doesn't significantly upset either my partner or his parents.
So, WIBTA if i chose to follow mine and my fiancé's wishes and change my surname to the new one we created, instead of keeping my maiden name? Or am I choosing the wrong hill to die on here?