I (23F) have been with my bf (25M) for a couple years now. We are from the same city, but we started our relationship doing long distance because I was studying elsewhere. I recently got back to our hometown, where I now work full time (the job is exhausting, but it’s a great opportunity) and in the little spare time I have I study to finish my masters degree; he’s finishing his masters degree too, but he doesn’t work – he has a lot of other things to do, he plays in two bands, volunteers. He doesn’t have plans for his future - which is fine to me, it’s his business.
We never really had problems while doing long distance, we were comfortable that way beacuse we are both busy people who love having their independence and tell each other about the day. This might sound odd, but we were great.
Now that I have come back here, I am facing a major life change (I started working, I basically don’t have free time anymore) and we are not adjusting. He knows I’m only available on the weekends now, but we never see each other because he is busy doing stuff he could easily ask his friends to move to different days or where his presence is not even really required (he just isn’t capable of saying no, and he ends up doing a ton of stuff he SAYS he doesn’t even like). He also constantly forgets most of his things to do and I have to remind him (bc he asks me, like I’m his secretary) what time he plays with the band, when the train for HIS trip with his friends is leaving, etc. We see each other in the two-hour slots between a thing and the other and I always have to adjust to his schedule. I politely told him I would like him to save some time for me, to arrange real dates (nothing big: the movies would be more than fine) from time to time, but he told me that by doing so I would look like another “thing to do” to him, and that would stress him: he thinks that using all his spare time for me is a major demonstration of love – even if it means just a few hours per week, sitting on a bench.
Yesterday (it was the millionth time we were having this argument) I snapped and told him I’m tired of being the last among his priorities, that I would like to be taken on proper dates sometimes because we are grownups and my idea of a relationship is not taking the bus home with you after your millionth side-quest of the week and that being told “if you want to do something nice arrange it and I’m coming” makes me feel like I’m his mother, and not his gf; that I too have things to do, and I’m actually working my ass of instead of engaging in random projects bc i cant say no. He said I don’t appreciate his efforts, and I told him that dates at the bus stop (which he thinks are just fine) make me feel like I’m dating a teenager. He’s been mortally offended and he’s has not talked to me since yesterday. My friends say I have been an asshole and I should apologize, but I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong this time. AITA?