Dad and I have always had a complicated relationship. My childhood was full of novelties I will cherish forever but also abuse and intimidation and horrific behavior towards my mom.
Mom was in the wrong for parentification, which did create issues between my dad and I in early life. I have worked very hard to try to build a relationship with him as an adult. This attempt has been one-sided.
Dad is a narcissist. The good parts of him have faded with age. It breaks my heart because I still remember and want the dad I thought I had when I was a kid.
I was diagnosed with cancer two months ago which required my 5th surgery in 4 yrs. He's not been present for any of it.
There are websites where you can post updates specific to major health events. One such site is how I'm giving updates to everybody. Im not being selective. I made the announcement to everybody on social media that this is easiest for me and I would not be having individual convos. He's the only one who fought me on it.
The hospital I had surgery at has visitor limits. Of course, the one person that I chose was the one person who was going to be driving me/staying with me after, my mom.
2.5 weeks before surgery. I got good news regarding my diagnosis and was so relieved I called my mom and then him. He asked when surgery would be. I told him. He said "I'm planning on leaving here at X time so I'll be there at Y."
The brakes screeched in my brain. I got shot 5 years ago and I did not see or hear from the man during that experience. I was thus stunned that he was inviting himself, esp since it's a women's hospital and uterine cancer, and that would have been uncomfortable for me.
As soon as I told him I was allowed one visitor and it was not him, the convo went became a guilt trip.
He did not speak to me for the two and a half weeks leading up to my surgery. Not a text, not a call, not an email, nothing. This was devastating to me. Maybe it shouldn't have been because I should know better, but it was.
The day after surgery I got multiple guilt trip messages, saying that he "obeyed my wishes" and did not bother me before surgery. Other parts of his "apology" included how I will never understand him, and how impersonal the update website felt.
I lost it. Clarified I never asked yhim not to contact me, I asked him to respect the update process and not make me feel bad about hospital regulations I did not write. I told him he will never know how much it hurts to not even have heard from him before my surgery. (I broke down over it 15 min before surgery while checking my phone for a last minute sign of love that never came.)
He replied simply: "I was only trying to apologize."
I reiterated that we need to take a step back from each other because stress physically hurts.
He did what he thinks is an apology, but I did not accept it, and we are no longer on speaking terms until I feel up for it. AITA?